You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Say something about gay babies.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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