i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
