if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
