And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We had to coat check the pizza.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
