So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
