I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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