Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
PANTIES FOUND
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