Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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