Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
