If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
