You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
