he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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