You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
