She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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