Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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