She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize