i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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