Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
