I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
