I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
