what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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