I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
