these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
