I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
