Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
