Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
