You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
