Life is so much better after having sex.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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