I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
