Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
