Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
