she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
