The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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