Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
