were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Are we still banned from the library?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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