i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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