yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They took my balls.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
