I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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