Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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