Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
