just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
