i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
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I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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