So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
