Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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