I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
