Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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