did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
