After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
