Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
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my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow