tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
