Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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