i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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