Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
