I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
