I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
tell me about the eggs
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
