I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
