I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
