I've blown a few things in my day
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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