I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
