foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
