haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
