I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
