I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
