Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
