The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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