OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
