you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
