are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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