Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
