Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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