would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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