At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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