I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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