i just google imaged poop.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
