Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I will pee on everything he values.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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