all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
