3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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