I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
