we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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