I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
